Real Men

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” (James 5:16 / ESV)

A few years ago I was playing pool with my dad in a relative’s garage. I was sharing with him how the young adult ministry my wife and I were leading, did this exact thing just a few short nights before. Bragging about how powerful the moment was, I failed to notice the look of disbelief and confusion that his body and face were conveying. When I was done talking he asked, “Confession? Why were they confessing their sins to you?” and then he hit me with, “I don’t understand son. You’re just a man.”

I probably could have diverted the argument that sat like fog in the garage that night but in my flesh I chose to engage. I wish I would have chosen different. The argument took on a strange religious context that both of us weren’t initially willing to abandon. You see, I was raised Catholic and so I retorted with the classic and ill-advised, “So is the pope.”

Thinking about that argument made me reflect on something else that it seems we men share. We seem to think that we can carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. Have you ever heard, God will only give you what you can carry? I don’t believe that for a second. That seems counter-intuitive. God wants us to depend on Him right? I think Paul wrote that, “…it was not I, but the grace of God that was with me.” And yet when trouble comes our way, self-inflicted or otherwise, we tend to, as men, keep it private.

I used to love telling my bride that I had broad shoulders. I would explain to her that I was more than confident in my ability to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders (think of the Greek god, Atlas). Today I believe that God gives us too much weight at times, so that we can learn to lean on His Grace and Mercy, and when we come to the point where we know that the load is too much because our shoulders are cramping – we confess our sins to one another and we cry out to Him in prayer.

I experienced this very concept a few years ago at the height of my porn-addiction. For a long time I sat with this dark secret alone. I told nobody and in spite of my encouragement to others that when we take the devil off our backs and throw him into the light, he becomes like the cockroach he is and scurries for the shadows, I was definitely not practicing what I was preaching. I’m not sure exactly when the shift occurred but I remember writing my bride a detailed note and reading it to her. It was the only way I could ensure that I would say everything I intended to.

Brothers, that was hard. I sat there in our driveway and read my letter to her and we both cried. I had been struggling with the shame and guilt that comes from lying and deceiving someone you care deeply about and at times, Satan probably came closer to winning than I’d care to admit. There we were, tears streaming down our cheeks, and I honestly thought she was going to leave me. That’s when God stepped in and began redeeming and reviving our marriage.

I confessed my sins that day and I watched God heal my marriage. The second I confessed, the sin was over. Realizing that this doesn’t happen all the time for everyone, I have to share with you that this was my reality, and I know others that share similar realities. We prayed together, too. It was like Jesus Himself was breaking chains and setting me, the captive, free.

Today, I struggle with temptation and lust but I have been set free by the blood of Jesus and sin no more with pornography. I have a support network that starts with God and trickles down (don’t all things trickle down from Our Creator?) to my bride and a few of my trench brothers that have been through the thick of things with me over the years. That’s what life is about – having that platoon of men (and your wife if you’re married) that are willing to dive into the trenches with you no matter what you’re going through. That’s where you’ll find me. In the trenches.

Real men confess their sins to one another. Real men pray with one another and real men pray for their marriages and their families. Real men grab their wives while they’re walking by and literally pray with them. Real men sneak into their kids’ rooms while they’re sleeping and pray over them. Real men are found in and lay a part of their foundation on what James writes in James 5:16. My question for you, is do you consider yourself a real man?

If you’d like to get in the trenches with me and confess your sins and pray, please leave your contact information and let’s get after it. I love you and I am humbled to stand with you. Grace and Peace.